self quarantine coronavirus journal – day 9

Saturday, March 21st 2020:

WEEKEND IS HERE! But I am still ain’t going no where. What to do? Well the question isn’t “what are we going to do,” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?” (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off). I look around my loft and there is so much to do! Where do I start? Well first thing’s first. I sleep in. HA! That’s right, it has been a long week, actually it has been a long last 2 or 3 weeks. And I obviously can’t go anywhere or do anything outside so I am going to take advantage of the situation and sleep in a little bit. Let’s see after that I washed my linens, and towels. I had some dishes to wash so I did that and then that old familiar sense came over me that said “just clean the whole loft”. And that is what I did. Today was declared “cleaning day”. Ya I can think of other things to do on a Saturday afternoon rather than cleaning but it is important to wipe down as much and as often as possible with disinfected wipes from our friends at Clorox. Now this may take a while but hey I got plenty of time right? So after that I vacuum, I change the bedsheets, clean the kitchen, wipe the floors, and put everything back to where it belongs after wiping down all my furniture. Let’s see after that I cleaned myself up, ate some food and watched a movie. Today I watched “Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice” Directors cut. 3+ hours!! HOLY TESTICLES BATMAN! But THIS movie is, how can I say it, a pure joy to watch. I will debate with any comic loving nerd out there the beauty of this screenplay, the great development of characters, and just over all superb cinematography of this film. Wow. Love it. After that it was chatting on the phone, taking out the trash, conversations with a few neighbors, and then a late dinner and video games. Not a bad Saturday.

As for my thoughts in this day, well, they were all over the place. Sometimes with my family back in Redlands. How are they doing, what is going on in their worlds kind of thoughts. Then I thought about some of my friends who are still around. Wondering about their health and situation. Thought about times spent with them in the past when we were younger. Few memories surfaced and I had a laugh to myself. Maybe I will blog about that one day, but for now I will keep those to myself. I thought about some of the women I have loved in my past. Thought about if they are okay, if they are holding up well in this time of crisis. Then I remembered who I was then, back then. Was I someone different then the man I am today? Probably yes. But how much different. In a good way or bad way? I have no idea. Lots of questions yes, but bottom line is my heart is full and always caring to know about others even if I have no idea if they even remember or think about me. And that is okay. That doesn’t bother me. Only thing that really bothers me is that I am in isolation and nobody really to bounce these thoughts or ideas off of. It can be easily said to just call someone right, talk to them. But it is not that easy for me. I am not sure I am that open to share like that. And if so, nobody wants to hear my heart speak at times like this. Maybe I am wrong . I don’t know. I am trying to stay as positive as I can be. I can’t let the negative feelings or self-doubt spill into my subconscious. Stay the course, maintain the directive and don’t let the bad vibes creep in. Now this I can do.

When you are alone, this is what goes on in the mind of someone who is not alone. Does that make sense? I am taking more notes for myself. I feel like an idea is brewing in my mind someplace, and I need to find it. I need to explore it. If so maybe it is something great, or maybe it is a waste of time. Either way I need to find it. Maybe it is the beginnings of the next version of me. I sometimes feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a dark cat. No hope right? I don’t think so. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. I sense that maybe this quarantine will spit me out a better person at the end. I just need to find it. Find what? That idea. The idea of possibly the next big thing for me.

“Searching and learning is where the miracle process begins.” John Rohn

As long as I am here in isolation alone, I can keep searching. Another day is quickly coming. 5 days to go. Then what? Am I free? Or just lucky? Lets find out…good night.

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